Legal Ramblings |
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A funny thing happened. I wrote this as a "standard disclaimer" a very long time ago for internetunderground.com. I decided to look up "this notice supercedes all previous notices" in Google. I found 50+ results. Sheep.
Standard DisclaimerThis website and all content provided locally is copyright © 1993 - 2007 eschew.net or it's respective authors. All rights reserved.
This product is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. All quotes are delayed 20 min. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Please stand clear of the doors. For off-road use only. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may fade. We have sent the forms which seem right for you. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Place stamp here. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Not recommended for persons with sugar-restricted diets. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. You may not rent, lease or lend this web site. This web site is not a toy. Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. For best results, remove cap. May contain traces of nuts. Fits one head. Do not turn upside down. Product will be hot after heating. Not to be used as protection from a tornado. Not meant as substitute for human companionship. The contents of this web site should not be fed to fish. This web site can burn eyes. Not intended for highway use. Do not use as ear plugs. Do not use intimately. Misuse may cause injury or death. Not to be used as a personal flotation device. This server is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position. Do not use for personal hygiene. Do not use for a baby wipe. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. You may distribute this article freely but you may not make a profit from it. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. Caveat emptor. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity article. No shoes, no shirt, no articles. quantities are limited while supplies last. If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Instructions are included. Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Slippery when wet. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Call before you dig. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. You may use one (1) copy of this web site on a single computer. DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL. May cause any of the aforementioned effects and/or death. Not intended for off-road use. Best if used before date on carton. May explode if recharged improperly. Contains no artificial colors or ingredients. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Possible penalties for early withdrawal. Offer valid only at participating sites. Slightly higher west of the Rockies. Allow four to six weeks for delivery. must be 18 to read. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.). Other restrictions may apply. This form must be returned with 30 days of the purchase date. Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages. Do not use near power lines. Use only on underarms. Not affiliated with Columbia Broadcasting Service. Contains small parts; not suitable for children under 3. You must be this tall to go on this ride. Place your seats and tray tables in the upright, locked position. No radio. Avoid prolonged breathing of fumes. No bills larger than $20 accepted. The information presented here may not be sold. Driver carries only $5.00 in change. Property of Major League Baseball. Do not operate electronic devices during take-off and landing. May be hazardous to your health. This site contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause birth defects. Keep fingers away from rotating blades. In case of emergency, call 9-1-1. This device complies with Part 15 of the FCC Rules. Third party fees may apply. Keep away from magnetic fields. This is not a Sun-supported product. Dispose of properly. Remove from drive after use. Static sensitive devices. Not recyclable. No deposit, no return. Blade is sharp. Walk, don't run. Company confidential. Under construction. Do not use in shower. Do not use while sleeping. Caution: This is not a safety protective device. Not intended for use as a dental drill. Do not use as an ice cream topping. Use like regular soap. May contain foam. Not Dishwasher Safe. Not for human consumption. Do not use while sleeping. Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks. Do not use orally. Keep out of reach of children and teenagers. Do not use as ear plugs. Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth. Do not use intimately. Cannot be made non-poisonous. For indoor or outdoor use only. Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems. Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame. Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers. Do not use orally after using rectally. Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants. This site is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark. Do not attempt to swallow. Do not weld can to rim. This license is non-exclusive, non-sublicensable and is for evaluation and trial use purposes only. Vendor makes not representations about the suitability of this software or about any content or information made accessible by the software, for any purpose. Provided 'as is' without any express or implied warranties, including warranties of merchantability and fitness for a particular purpose or noninfringement. Not designed for the operation of nuclear facilities. All stunts preformed by professionals. Do not attempt these stunts at home. Any information you may find on this site may be inaccurate, misleading, dangerous or illegal. None of the authors, contributors, sponsors, administrators, vandals, or anyone else connected with this site, the hosting ISP, common carriers, ICANN, the United States Government, or Darkrose's ex wife, in any way whatsoever, can be responsible for your use of the information contained in or linked from these web pages. The information contained on this web site is being given to you gratuitously and thus there is no agreement or understanding between you and eschew.net regarding your use or modification of this information. By using this system, the user consents to such interception, monitoring, recording, copying, auditing, inspection, ridicule and disclosure at the discretion of authorized site or eschew.net personnel. Unauthorized or improper use of this system may result in administrative disciplinary action and civil and criminal penalties. By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use. LOG OFF IMMEDIATELY if you do not agree to the conditions stated in this warning. This system is monitored to ensure proper operation, to verify the functioning of applicable security features, and for comparable purposes. Unauthorized attempts to modify any information stored on this system, to defeat or circumvent security features, or to utilize this system for other than its intended purposes are prohibited and may result in criminal prosecution. Information presented on this website is considered public information and may be distributed or copied. Use of appropriate byline/photo/image credit is requested. This web site is not intended for used and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs.
This notice supersedes all previous notices. |
