~The reason the crazy old cat lady is crazy is because of her damn cats.
~The MPAA busts itself for creating pirated copies of a movie. Wait. What?
~Whale puke nets couple 300 grand.
~Kid Whines and moans because he got picked to be the "different kid" for wearing a Broncos jersey in a PA school.
~Mopeds are risky rides. You could get killed, or your friends could see you on one.
~Black holes warp space, time, suck.
~Want free schooling? 1. Enter military. 2. Go to school. 3. Tell them you're gay. 4. get discharged under the Don't ask don't tell policy.
~Like the Nazis in Raiders of the Lost Ark, the US is just looking in the wrong place (for WMD).
~Cool: Japanese create "receptionist robot". Uncool: It's a Hello Kitty receptionist robot.
~Russian scientist creates invisibility cloak.
~In honor of all those dieting, 30,000 calorie sandwich.
~Gas shortage? yeah, right.
~Finally, the MythBusters tackle such myths as "can you really survive a winter night in the belly of a TaunTaun"?...
~I SAID, GUY SUES APPLE BECAUSE HE'S TOO STUPID TO TURN HIS IPOD DOWN!
~Christian sex toys? Oh god! (site not entirely safe for work)
~Apparently, it's a mortal sin (blasphemy) to use "I am" in any way, shape, or form. So no more saying "I am wearing socks", you fscking blasphemers!
~Al Qaeda acknowledges that Jews have a divine right (according to Allah) to Isreal. Wait. What?!
~US jobless rate drops to 4.7%. Quick everybody go on a long winded rant about how Bush sucks and this is bad for us.
~RIAA sues woman who has never used a computer, never owned, turned on, or purchased a computer.
~Superbowl ads.
~Mom freaks out when she finds baby suckling on dog.
~F-bomb seen from space (not safe for work, includes the f-bomb).
~Some company in Cincinatti requiring employees to get RFID chip implants. They couldn't pay me enough.....
~Something Awful Presents Star Wars Valentines Day cards.
~Bald Eagles close to being removed from Endangered list.
~Peter Pan claims another victim. When will the madness end??!
~RIAA says ripping CDs you legally own to your iPod is illegal.
~If you've ever wanted a Soviet era aircraft carrier for tooling up and down the river, your wait may be over!
~Microsoft demands you buy a new Windows license if you upgrade your Motherboard.
~Captain Obvious says: "When returning a rental car, make sure you take all your belongings, especially if those belongings include a disk of downloaded kiddie porn".
~Uncle Owen is dead, Stormtroopers finally got him.
~Peter Benchley, author of Jaws, is dead.
~Godzilla composer Akira Ifukube is dead.
~As expected, Britney Spears takes class at Michael Jackson's School of Parenting.
~Bill Nye The Science Guy explores the mating and pairing habits of Humans.
~Dexter's Lab director Genndy Tartakovsky signed to do Dark Crystal 2.
~Next Harry Potter movie set to film beginning next week. Rumor is Hermonie will have DDD's thanks to Ron's botched 'wand' work.
~Disney to buy Pixar.
~Geeks everywhere scream at the new E3 booth babe bannings.
~Nicole Kidman reportedly to marry Keith Urban.